We are Family

I am so thankful for our families. Of course I love my side of the family, but now I can finally say that I feel comfortable around Lee's family.

If you know anything about me, you know that I am one of the easiest people in the world to get along with. I get along with everyone and I am super friendly. With Lee's family for some reason, this was not the case. I was shy and reserved and didn't talk at all. Every time we would have a family function with them, I would have an anxiety attack. I have NO idea what was wrong with me. 

I guess it all comes down to ME. :/ I always thought they were judging me. I didn't think they liked me. I thought that they really didn't want to get to know me. They never really tried. It was all about the kids. That's all we talked about. Them or Lee's ex and what was going on with her. My thoughts/insecurities were that their family was already established and I was just another outsider. Maybe I would stay, maybe I wouldn't. 

In their defense, I was so stand off-ish. I wouldn't make the first move. I was so unbearably uncomfortable. It was the most insane feeling. I knew I had to do something about it though.  I knew there was at least one thing we can all agree on and that was the kids. I decided I was going to open up through the kids and their birthdays. I tried to go above and beyond for their parties to make sure that they understood how committed I was and how badly I wanted their approval. 

A lot of time has passed since those feelings. Now that I have tried my hardest to become a part of this family and put forth strong efforts to spend time with them and just be myself, I am happy that I am a part of their family.  One of the many wonderful parts of this family is that they are all about their grandchildren. It's all about them in every way. No wonder they love going to their Grandma's. :)

 Established family or not, they are now my family and I love them.



 

6 hours or less

6 hours or less and IT'S TIME!!!!!!!!!! I don't know about you guys, but Christmas is my FAVORITE! I cannot wait to see their faces when they open the gifts. I think that's my favorite. Or, playing with their gifts as a family as a close second. 

I always feel that I don't enough though. Like, sometimes I look on facebook and I see other friends with their piles and piles and piles of gifts for their children and I think I could've done better. But with Lees parents and my entire family buying them gifts, I don't feel so bad. We have 3 friggen Christmas celebrations. So, I know they're getting everything they could possibly want or need. After all, Christmas isn't all about the gifts. It's about the experience, family bonding time and love.

BUT I can't help but be excited. I'm giddy and anxious and I can't sleep. Go figure lol!!! I did this last year too. I was insane and couldn't sleep and stayed awake all night. I finally went around and woke up everyone at 8am. I was like, SERIOUSLY!!?? I remember waking my parents up at 5am to open presents. I was NOT playing around. This year, I'm going to try to go to sleep and let them wake me up. 

Merry Christmas everyone. I wish you nothing but joy, love and happiness because that's all you need in your life. <3

Christmas is the time for CUTE KIDS!

Pinterest is a bad bad bad bad bad influence on me. I am constantly finding new things to do and new ways to make sure I document our life through photos. Here is a prime example. The children's Christmas 2012 pictures via wrapping paper and my crappy digital camera. (I will get a Nikon one day...)

Oh my Gosh!!!!!! Aren't they the cutest things in the entire world??? And I did a pretty decent job taking the pictures as well. :)

The Perfect Christmas

Every winter, I have this vision of the perfect Christmas. The decorations, the atmosphere, the music, the glee, the children... everything. I want everything to be perfect. Is that an insane vision? 

This year, I have had Christmas decorations up since before Thanksgiving. I was just so excited and I wanted that christmas, joyous and loving feeling throughout the house. I started hanging lights inside the house, hanging ornaments in awesome places, putting little Santa Clauses in super cute places... I have this decorating thing DOWN!

As a new family, we are experiencing a lot of firsts together. This year, we decided that we were going to cut our own tree down. It was SO much fun. I remember doing this with my family growing up and I remember it being just as fun. But this go round, it was different. The kid's eyes were doe like and full of wondering looking at all the trees. 

The tree hunt begins!!!

Lee being all manly cutting down the tree.

 

 Christian helping dad.

 

 Ayden's turn to help dad.

 

 Jackie helping cut down some of the extra branches.

 

 I'm sure he hates me for all the photo ops I make him do. :)

 

 It was a super fun experience.

I love creating new traditions for our family. It's going to be so much fun making memories with these guys. 

As a blended family, I realize that we aren't going to see eye to eye on everything. This Christmas, as I'm buying presents for the kids and wrapping them, he's putting them under the tree. Whoa whoa whoa whoa buddy. What are you doing? He tells me that he wants these presents to be from "us" and he wants them under the tree. We'll put the rest of the presents we buy under the tree from Santa. 

Ok. BREAK!

Last year, we put presents out Christmas Eve... from Santa. ALL of them. I assumed we were doing that again this year. 

I have a Christmas morning vision in my head.... you wake up and there are a ton of presents under the tree (from parents and Santa). Seeing their faces is half the fun. but now, they're seeing half the presents already. There won't be that big of a shock. I'm not crazy, right? 

We had to compromise and keep half the presents under the tree. :/ But next year, we are totally going to do it my way. and I have vowed to start shopping as soon as January. Yup... I said it. I will do my very very best to start a stock pile of Christmas presents throughout the year so I'm not overwhelmed (like I am right now) and make sure that the 'shock and awe' effect is in tact. 

Other than that, our Christmas is going to be perfect. I am so excited. I think that I'm more excited than the kids. I wake them up and say "-- days til Christmas!!!" I love traditions. I really do. And more importantly, I love starting traditions with our little family. Our life is going to be so amazing. 

It's the end of the world as we know it... wait

December 21, 2012 was supposed to be the end of the world. 

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. Yeah, um, no!

Throughout this whole year, with everyone talking about "oh you better do this before the world ends" and the history channel hyping it up with their Nostradamus crap and the Mayan ramblings, I haven't been listening. But Lee has. So I've had to sit through a few "End of Days" episodes and "The end is near" stupid shows. I have been the calm voice in the house the whole year. I kept telling him how dumb this hypothetical stuff was. He kept asking, "do you believe?" HECK NO!! ARE YOU SERIOUS? Yeah... you're crazy along with those crack addict scientists. 

So last night, we were sitting on the couch waiting for Glee (Well, I was waiting. He was agonizing every minute) and it didn't even come on! I was so sad. Lee on the other hand, happy as a clam. So what does he find on TV? You guessed it.. doomsday shows. He leans over super close to me and starts cuddling and says "We have to promise to cuddle each other all night just in case we die." Ok... now you're starting to freak me out. Then I started second guessing myself. What if we are going to die? What if something monumental happens and there are serious repercussions and we DIE!!!!! I don't want that to happen. So I start cuddling him back. I'm starting to feel really weird. Probably how people on death row feel 12 hours before they die. It was strange. I didn't like that feeling whatsoever. 

 We're laying in bed, holding each other super tight and I could not fall asleep. Couldn't. Didn't. Wouldn't. It was bad. The thought of falling asleep and not waking up freaked me out. So what did I do you ask? I talked to God. 

Wait... Erin? TALK TO GOD? What?

Well, yes I did. It was the most serene thing I have ever done. I didn't talk out loud or began with "Dear God".... I just talked to him. It started out almost begging for the world not to end. 100% due to the fact that I'm not ready to die. It was like I was having an anxiety attack. I was literally freaking out in the beginning of that conversation, crying hysterically as Lee sleeps/snores soundly beside me. And then all of the sudden a wave of utter calmness came over me. I stopped crying, wiped the tears off my face, sniffled and lay silent for what felt like forever. When I began talking to Him again, I was begging for anything. I was thanking him for this life that He blessed me with and accepting whatever fate He decided to give me. Whether it be in this world or his Celestial Kingdom, I was okay. I thanked him for everything my life was made up on and began to realize that what I have in this life is precious and should be cherished more than I already do. As soon as I said 'Amen', I fell soundly asleep. I woke up and felt amazing and refreshed. 

I have always been grateful for my life and believed in God and have known that Jesus is my Lord and savior but not like this. So, I guess I have to thank the Mayans for helping me come one step closer to God. 

....Never would've saw that coming. But I'm glad it did. :)

The Story of Us

Every couple has a story. Sometimes it's extraordinary. Sometimes it's simple. Well, in our case, love came softly. It wasn't greeted with fireworks and instrumentals. It was pure and simple love. 

It all started online. I know what society thinks about online romance and how it's unconventional and for people who can't get a date on their own. That is so not the case. In both of our situations, it was pretty impossible to meet people on our own. Even set-ups were hard. (I had one set up through a good friend and that turned out horribly.) I'm VERY pick with who I date and he had 3 children. So obviously he wasn't going to go on random dates and I worked so much that I never had time to go out and meet anyone. Online dating is safe. You can get to know someone online through emails and chat and skype dates before you ever have to meet them. I actually prefer it that way because you're "friends" before you decide to date. It's pretty cool. And if you don't like their personality, you didn't really waste your time or money, now did you?

So here he was. The very first picture I saw of my boy...

We began talking in August of 2012. It was an every day chat... on my lunch breaks, as soon as I got home from work and up until we fell asleep. Talking to him was so natural. I could open up to him about anything and everything and not feel one bit of judgement. It was effortless. It was amazing. We talked so much that we knew each others secrets and daily routine. I could know what he was doing at any point of time and so could he. It all felt so real so quickly. We had talked and talked and talked about meeting. He was always so anxious for us to meet but I on the other hand was scared to death. My divorce has me literally on the brink of zero self esteem. Even though I left my ex 2 years before then, my methods of trying to gain self esteem were not working. So, I was scared that once we met in person he wouldn't like me. If I knew what I know now... I wouldn't have a care in the world. Everyday he would ask me, "When are we going to meet? When am I going to actually see your face in front of my face? When am I finally going to hold your hand?" It got so overwhelming so fast. We would talk about our first date all the time, what we would do, where we would go. All the talking and planning finally became too much for me and I decided that I was going to meet him.

September 18, 2010
We're in the middle of just another regular conversation and he asks me what my plans for that night were. I tell him that I need to run to walmart and get some shampoo/conditioner and dog food. To which he replies that he wishes he could go with me because anything that we did together would be fun. I decided right then and there that it was time. Everything that we had talked about had lead up to this moment. So I said, "Is there a walmart near you?" His response was instantaneous. It was happening. We were finally going to meet. So much built up to this moment and it was about to happen. 

It took me SO long to figure out what I was going to wear. I was so nervous. I was still facebook chatting with him while I was figuring out what I was going to wear. He kept asking me if I was serious? and if I was ok? It was so sweet. It would calm me down for a second and then the reality that I was meeting him began to sink in again. I finally picked out an outfit. This is what I ended up choosing. I didn't want to overdo it and dress super duper fancy (like I really wanted to). But I didn't want it to seem too casual. Just casual enough.

He lived in Waldorf, MD. (What was crazy about this is that my BFF Liz lived in Indian Head, Md, which is 15 mins or so from Waldorf and I had visited her frequently. So all the time that I was visiting her, he was right there? CRAZY!) He gave me his address and I was going to pick him up and go to Walmart. (super awesome first "date" huh?) Well calm down, calm down. The walmart trip was supposed to be an ice breaker. The real date was dinner and a movie. Dinner at Chipotle (our favorite!) and the movie we chose was Resident Evil: Afterlife. 

The entire drive to Waldorf was riddled with so much anxiety that I thought I was going to die. Literally. I couldn't stop shaking. I was so nervous. He talked to me on the phone the entire time, trying to calm me down. But with him saying "I can't wait to see you" repeatedly made it worse. It was SUPER sweet, but it made it worse! I reached the Maryland/Virginia bridge and that's when our conversation ended so he could get ready. During that time, I kept telling myself that I could do it, that I was going to be fine, he wasn't a serial killer, CALM DOWN! It was weird... as much as I was nervous to meet him face to face, on the other hand I was so flippen excited. 

He called me back just as I entered Waldorf. He gave me step my step instructions on how to get to his house. I drove super slow through his neighborhood. I kept saying "you can do this" over and over and over. (while he was still on the phone btw) Finally, the moment had arrived. I stopped in front of his house. We hung up the phone and waited for him to come meet me at my car. I didn't know what to do. Should I get out and meet him? Should I just wait for him to get in the car? I didn't know what to do. So I just waited for him to get in the car. I kept glancing toward the house to see if he had opened the door or not. It seemed like it took hours but in reality, he said it took 3 minutes. 

I watched him walk from the front door all the way to my car door. My anxiety level was through the roof! My heart felt like it was going to come out of my chest. And then he opened the door and sat down. And just like that, all of my nervousness and anxiety went away. He was the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life. I couldn't stop looking at him. And just like that, our first date began.

The date was effortless. It was real and fun and carefree and amazing. I have NEVER had a first date like that before. That's when I knew he was different. He was going to be an influence in my life like none other. The connection we had with each other spun us in a whirlwind, low key, epic romance.

We went on 6 dates before he "made the move."  (The product of a late night facebook chat conversation and me asking... "Do you want to kiss me?" the night before) On this particular date, we didn't really have anything planned. So we drove around and ended up at a park where there was a baseball game being played. We watched the game from inside my car for a while. Lee was playing me some of his screamo music that he thought I would like. The band is called Sleeping With Sirens. It's not a bad band as far as screamo goes. I'm used to country and pop and girly songs... not artists that SCREAM at me. Then, as we're listening a sweet song comes on called "Let Love Bleed Red." It was a nice change from all of the screaming and yelling that I was hearing. I made him listen to that song on repeat because it was so melodic and sweet and romantic.  Then he kissed me.


                        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5cd1tZYcfg
                                          (the link to our song on youtube.com)

That was our 6th date. On my way home, he calls me like he always does and we talk the whole time, expressing how much we mean to each other. I finally get home and we're talking on the phone and I'm browsing facebook at the same time (I'm an addict. I know.) and Lee begins talking to me on facebook chat also. It was weird but I went with it. The phone becomes silent and I see him typing and my heart stops. (and like a true dork, I take a picture of our conversation...)

..... silence on the phone. No words across the screen. I was in complete shock. Did he just say that he was falling in love with me? OMG! ....I was heaven. He said, well typed, what I had been feeling too. But I thought it was just too crazy because it had only been 6 dates. It's insane right? Well, not to us. Nothing about this relationship is normal. Without any further waiting, I said OUT LOUD "I love you too." We both just let out a huge sigh of relief and giggled. It was euphoric. It was the way I pictured a real relationship to be. It was pure joy. 

The beginning of a once in a lifetime love. The rest they say, is history. 

 Our one year anniversary presents to each other.

October 31, 2010 he asked me to marry him. :)

November  26, 2010 we moved in together. 

February 12, 2011 we got our first place together.

This is just the beginning to our story. I couldn't have been matched with anyone sweeter, genuine, caring, giving, laid back, loving, real, passionate and made for me. He's it for me. He is my world and my family now. Together, we will prove all "internet relationship" stereotypes wrong. Together we will conquer everything that is thrown at us. Together we will create world of love. I can't wait to see what the future holds in store for us...

There's plenty of CATFISH in the sea

I am beyond addicted to this show called CATFISH. It's one of those things you don't want to admit to anyone. Probably because I met my fiancee online. 

I watch this show and I feel every single emotion these people are feeling. I feel their connection. I feel their heartbreak when they turn out to not be who they say they are. I feel their embarrassment when they say "we met online." Not all stories are like theirs. Not all internet relationships are fake. Not all are full of lies and deception. 

I guess now a days it's hard to see the good in people and with shows like this, it will be hard to ever see the good in anyone. But Lee and I.... we're going to prove them wrong. :)

and with that said, HEY CATFISH SHOW!!!!!!! Please release an episode where the person is who they say they are and there's a happy ending. Kthanks.

Love the life you live

I signed up for this blog 4 days ago and have been thinking of how to begin. Perfectionist much? Nothing I began writing seemed good enough. So, I decided to push that all aside and just write. 

I feel like I've had a normal life. Unremarkable in many aspects and sheltered to say the least. But I wouldn't change it for the world. I've taken every experience to heart and learned from them. Every person I've met has had an impact on me one way or another, negative or positive, they have touched me and slowly molded me into the person I am today. Which brings me to now...

I'm sure 5 years ago someone asked me, "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Now, here, like this.... is not what I would've said. 5 years ago, I was married, living in Virginia Beach, living a life of complete selfishness, sort of. I thought I was loving the life I was living. I was wrong. That was not happiness. That was called settling. There was nothing in that relationship I wanted. Nothing that made me truly happy. I was only worried and sad about the fact of being alone is why I put up with it for as long as I did. I have no other explanations as to why I stayed. The emotional damage that built up over that period of time is excruciating.

Fast forward to present day. I am engaged. I am a step-mother to 3 children. I'm living back in my hometown. I was a prekindergarten teacher but now I am a stay at home mom. I am artistic. I am emotional. I am strong. I am NOT a welcome mat. I am not emotionally abused. I am unconditionally loved. I love unconditionally. I am unfortunately at my heaviest weight I have ever been in. (Screw whoever said that being comfortable with someone means you let go of yourself. CRAP!) I am beginning to let down walls I never thought would crumble. I have a future paved out for me, which is a good thing because I love routine and consistency. I am a very different version of myself and I can only thank Lee for that. I need to start vocally thanking him for that.

I am so thankful for my life right now. Out of all that has happened to me, this is exactly where I want to be. I want to be in a loving relationship. I want to mean more than anything in the entire world to someone. I want to be a mom. I want to be someone who has an impact on other people. I want to be a positive role model. I want to inspire. I want to have inspiration. I'm happy.

Anything is possible.