Week 3 weigh in = 3lbs LOST!!!!!!!!
15lbs lost total
85lbs to go!
This weigh in kind of hit home for me. I am working my ass off and eating healthier than ever and I go to weigh myself and only have lost 3 lbs? Really? WHAT? That's not fair! 7 the first week. 5 the second week and now 3? That's not gonna work for me.
I broke down. I started crying to Lee. He had no idea why I was crying so much. I told him how hard I'm working and how healthy I've become. All my hard work only to lose 3 pounds? It's not fair. All the stress of working out and watching everyone around me eating whatever they want without a care in the world made me so sad. And here I am eating turkey burgers and broccoli and fruits and veggies and nasty cereal that's supposed to be good for you but it tastes like stale butt JUST SUCKS. Lee has to bring me back to reality and tell me that I lost weight! I didn't gain anything. I'm doing everything right and I'm on the right track.
And on the other hand, healthier foods are becoming much more delicious than they were in the beginning. I have found a new found love for avacados. I put them on everything. It's so delicious. And hard boiled eggs. I think I'm going to get sick of them soon but right now they are SO darn good, especially in my salad.
Another thing I've caught myself doing is weighing myself like 8 times a day. It's getting really bad. It's like I'm addicted to weighing myself. Of course I weigh myself as soon as I wake up, then again after a work out and then after I eat, and then after I use the bathroom... So I told Lee to hide the scale. I'm so tired of my day revolving around the scale when in reality, I should be stepping on the scale once a week. And that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to start weighing myself every Saturday instead because Sunday's seem to be my "splurge" day. Not that I'm splurging, but I am eating dinner with my whole family and that seems to be my downfall.
I have to realize that I'm doing really well in my workout. I have to keep telling myself that I'm doing GREAT and that whatever I lose that week is a loss and not a gain. I'm working toward a goal of losing 100 pounds and most healthy people lose only 1-2 pounds per week. I'm going to get so excited once I hit that 20 pound mark. I can't wait for that. :)
Monday, March 11, 2013
Monday, March 4, 2013
Week 2 weight in
Week 2 weigh in = 5lbs LOST!!!!!!!!
12lbs lost total
88lbs to go!
If I keep this up, I'm going to reach my goal in no time. I can't believe that I'm actually doing it. In the past, every diet I tried didn't work. Or it worked for a couple days and then it stopped so I gave up. For some reason, this time is different. My motivation is different. My goals are actually reachable. (my 100lb goal is attainable over time) I know that this amount of weight loss isn't going to happen every week but a girl can be optimistic right?
Some things that are happening right now are:
-Jillian Michaels 30 day shred Monday through Friday
- Mandatory breakfast consisting of cereal, fruits or hard boiled eggs with toast.
- Lunch is pretty much whatever is in the fridge. Anything from soup, salad, turkey wrap, another bowl of cereal, cheese and crackers....
- Dinner is a range of food from chicken, salmon and turkey burgers with a large side of any vegetable. My faves are broccoli, green beans and salad. I don't eat a lot of calories during the day, so I indulge in my favorite salad dressings and don't worry about the calories in the dressing.
- Water is my best friend. 100% Orange juice is a healthy alternative when I'm not feeling water. Those little Mio things work really well. I've only tried the grape but it's delicious.
- I'm beginning to feel a difference in my arms. I wish I was seeing a difference in my belly fat. That's where alllllllllllllllllllllllll my fat is. There, and my inner thighs. But with the extensive research I've done trying to find ways to get rid of belly fat, there aren't really any. Cardio will burn calories which will in turn help you lose fat where it needs to be burned i.e. your stomach. Slow and steady fits in the wedding dress of her dreams I guess.
I want to give a special shout out to my ex husband Kyle. Thank you for always saying I was too fat and using that as a "motivator" to try to get me to lose weight. I am with a wonderful man who loves me for who I am and what I look like. I motivate myself to work out and it's actually working. No wonder I never lost weight with you JERK! but anywho... I can't wait for next weeks weigh in. :)
12lbs lost total
88lbs to go!
If I keep this up, I'm going to reach my goal in no time. I can't believe that I'm actually doing it. In the past, every diet I tried didn't work. Or it worked for a couple days and then it stopped so I gave up. For some reason, this time is different. My motivation is different. My goals are actually reachable. (my 100lb goal is attainable over time) I know that this amount of weight loss isn't going to happen every week but a girl can be optimistic right?
Some things that are happening right now are:
-Jillian Michaels 30 day shred Monday through Friday
- Mandatory breakfast consisting of cereal, fruits or hard boiled eggs with toast.
- Lunch is pretty much whatever is in the fridge. Anything from soup, salad, turkey wrap, another bowl of cereal, cheese and crackers....
- Dinner is a range of food from chicken, salmon and turkey burgers with a large side of any vegetable. My faves are broccoli, green beans and salad. I don't eat a lot of calories during the day, so I indulge in my favorite salad dressings and don't worry about the calories in the dressing.
- Water is my best friend. 100% Orange juice is a healthy alternative when I'm not feeling water. Those little Mio things work really well. I've only tried the grape but it's delicious.
- I'm beginning to feel a difference in my arms. I wish I was seeing a difference in my belly fat. That's where alllllllllllllllllllllllll my fat is. There, and my inner thighs. But with the extensive research I've done trying to find ways to get rid of belly fat, there aren't really any. Cardio will burn calories which will in turn help you lose fat where it needs to be burned i.e. your stomach. Slow and steady fits in the wedding dress of her dreams I guess.
I want to give a special shout out to my ex husband Kyle. Thank you for always saying I was too fat and using that as a "motivator" to try to get me to lose weight. I am with a wonderful man who loves me for who I am and what I look like. I motivate myself to work out and it's actually working. No wonder I never lost weight with you JERK! but anywho... I can't wait for next weeks weigh in. :)
Monday, February 25, 2013
First Weigh In
Week 1 weight in= lost 7lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm still very ashamed of my actual weight number and I don't want to publish that for the world to see quite yet. But I know that when I start seeing significant change and weight loss, I'm going to blast that every where!
I have had so much will power that I find it a little strange because I've never had will power my whole life. I haven't had any sweets, soda or anything bad for me at all. Period. Not even sherbert. It's been straight protein, vegetables, fruits and healthy organic food. I'm not going to lie though, those first few days without mountain dew were almost intolerable. I was cranky and moody because of my caffeine addiction. If anyone tells you that caffeine is not addicting, they are WRONG!
Jillian Michaels workout is still hard as it was when I first started. However, my breathing is becoming better and my endurance is strengthening. I'm very proud of myself with that. The only problem with working out is my knees. They grind together because of my lack of cartilage in my knee. So sometimes, I have to modify the set but I still feel the burn.
Water is my best friend. I drink and drink and drink and drink and by the time it's lunch or dinner, I begin to eat and I automatically get full. It's pretty amazing. I should've listened to everyone who's skinny or losing weight already. But you always think that you're right in what you're doing and blaming your weight on everything else in life. You really have to stop and blame yourself. YOU'RE eating taco bell. YOU'RE drinking 4-5 cans of mountain dew a day. YOU'RE no getting off your huge butt and working out. I'm putting full blame on myself for my weight, well with the unwanted help of PCOS making sure I don't lose weight.
THIS GIRL will get skinny. :)
I'm still very ashamed of my actual weight number and I don't want to publish that for the world to see quite yet. But I know that when I start seeing significant change and weight loss, I'm going to blast that every where!
I have had so much will power that I find it a little strange because I've never had will power my whole life. I haven't had any sweets, soda or anything bad for me at all. Period. Not even sherbert. It's been straight protein, vegetables, fruits and healthy organic food. I'm not going to lie though, those first few days without mountain dew were almost intolerable. I was cranky and moody because of my caffeine addiction. If anyone tells you that caffeine is not addicting, they are WRONG!
Jillian Michaels workout is still hard as it was when I first started. However, my breathing is becoming better and my endurance is strengthening. I'm very proud of myself with that. The only problem with working out is my knees. They grind together because of my lack of cartilage in my knee. So sometimes, I have to modify the set but I still feel the burn.
Water is my best friend. I drink and drink and drink and drink and by the time it's lunch or dinner, I begin to eat and I automatically get full. It's pretty amazing. I should've listened to everyone who's skinny or losing weight already. But you always think that you're right in what you're doing and blaming your weight on everything else in life. You really have to stop and blame yourself. YOU'RE eating taco bell. YOU'RE drinking 4-5 cans of mountain dew a day. YOU'RE no getting off your huge butt and working out. I'm putting full blame on myself for my weight, well with the unwanted help of PCOS making sure I don't lose weight.
THIS GIRL will get skinny. :)
Friday, February 22, 2013
Day 3 of weight loss
I wake up PUMPED to work out. I hope I never lose this feeling.
I'm so motivated to lose weight and it's all because of me.
Today, I woke up sore, but still motivated to work out. As I began my workout with Jillian, I felt the routine coming natural and my breath was becoming steadier. I'm still having quite a difficult time with the leg exercises because of my knees, but I hope as I lose weight, my knees will become stronger. For some reason, I'm not sweating as much as I'd like. (Yes, I grade my workout on my amount of sweat) I was still incredibly sore after my workout today, which means that I'm still doing something right and this workout is still affecting me. As of right now, the inside of my thighs and my abs hurt. Well, the fat covering my abs hurt lol.
I also began Weight Watchers yesterday. I'm going to try to incorporate every weight loss trick out there. Eating healthy, working out, cutting soda out completely and whatever else I can find. I want to try out Shakeology or head over to the Nutrition Store to see if there's pills or drinks or whatever else will help me lose weight. With all this water I'm drinking, it fills me up so quickly before I eat so I'm not eating as much.
There's only one flaw in my weight loss plans and that's eating late. Lee and I are so used to eating 8 or 9 o clock at night because we're not even hungry yet. So, we're going to have to try really hard to eat dinner at a normal time like normal families.
I'm also doing a really great job not weighing myself everyday. I want to be shocked when I step on the scale next Monday. I want to cry because of all the hard work I'm doing and it's all because of me. Not because of some lame ass ex husband that told me he would leave me if I didn't get skinny. Nope! It's all because of me because I did it! I can't wait to do Insanity or Beach Body after Jillian Michaels. Hopefully I will be strong enough physically to handle that sort of workout. Even if I'm not, at least I'll still be trying. There really is no excuse anymore. I'm doing this and I'm going to rock it! I know I'm stubborn and I'll show myself that I'm worth all this effort.
I'm also super excited to track my progress. I know that I'm going to thank myself in the end for doing it so I can be an inspiration to other people who want to lose weight. :)
I'm so motivated to lose weight and it's all because of me.
Today, I woke up sore, but still motivated to work out. As I began my workout with Jillian, I felt the routine coming natural and my breath was becoming steadier. I'm still having quite a difficult time with the leg exercises because of my knees, but I hope as I lose weight, my knees will become stronger. For some reason, I'm not sweating as much as I'd like. (Yes, I grade my workout on my amount of sweat) I was still incredibly sore after my workout today, which means that I'm still doing something right and this workout is still affecting me. As of right now, the inside of my thighs and my abs hurt. Well, the fat covering my abs hurt lol.
I also began Weight Watchers yesterday. I'm going to try to incorporate every weight loss trick out there. Eating healthy, working out, cutting soda out completely and whatever else I can find. I want to try out Shakeology or head over to the Nutrition Store to see if there's pills or drinks or whatever else will help me lose weight. With all this water I'm drinking, it fills me up so quickly before I eat so I'm not eating as much.
There's only one flaw in my weight loss plans and that's eating late. Lee and I are so used to eating 8 or 9 o clock at night because we're not even hungry yet. So, we're going to have to try really hard to eat dinner at a normal time like normal families.
I'm also doing a really great job not weighing myself everyday. I want to be shocked when I step on the scale next Monday. I want to cry because of all the hard work I'm doing and it's all because of me. Not because of some lame ass ex husband that told me he would leave me if I didn't get skinny. Nope! It's all because of me because I did it! I can't wait to do Insanity or Beach Body after Jillian Michaels. Hopefully I will be strong enough physically to handle that sort of workout. Even if I'm not, at least I'll still be trying. There really is no excuse anymore. I'm doing this and I'm going to rock it! I know I'm stubborn and I'll show myself that I'm worth all this effort.
I'm also super excited to track my progress. I know that I'm going to thank myself in the end for doing it so I can be an inspiration to other people who want to lose weight. :)
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Let the weight loss journey begin!
I am happy and excited to announce that out of nowhere, I have found the motivation to lose weight.
Throughout my entire life, I've been heavy. Always. And my entire life, I've been ashamed of my weight. I've tried to lose weight with diets, exercise, weight watchers... anything! You name it, I've probably tried it. Plus, I was surrounded by people who loved me for me and I didn't need to hear that. I needed to be around people who love me but also want the best for me and the best for me is to lose weight. For my health and for our kids.
Another huge reason and motivation for my weight loss is my PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). It prevents me from getting pregnant and it also makes it really really hard for me to lose weight. There's nothing the doctors can do about it. It's all on me. When I lose the weight, the PCOS will begin to go away and I will also be more fertile. I've always wanted to have a child. And everyone around me is doing it now and it just makes me feel so sad.
So NOW, I've had enough! No more excuses. No more late night snacks. No more sitting on the couch when I could be working out or walking or whatever! I've had enough! I need all the motivation and support I can get from my friends and family.
However, I am still overly ashamed of my weight. I do not want to release the number right now nor do I want to release my before pictures. I will definitely release all of these pictures once I start looking the way I want and the scale starts coming down. :)
I can't wait for my weight transformation to begin!
Throughout my entire life, I've been heavy. Always. And my entire life, I've been ashamed of my weight. I've tried to lose weight with diets, exercise, weight watchers... anything! You name it, I've probably tried it. Plus, I was surrounded by people who loved me for me and I didn't need to hear that. I needed to be around people who love me but also want the best for me and the best for me is to lose weight. For my health and for our kids.
Another huge reason and motivation for my weight loss is my PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). It prevents me from getting pregnant and it also makes it really really hard for me to lose weight. There's nothing the doctors can do about it. It's all on me. When I lose the weight, the PCOS will begin to go away and I will also be more fertile. I've always wanted to have a child. And everyone around me is doing it now and it just makes me feel so sad.
So NOW, I've had enough! No more excuses. No more late night snacks. No more sitting on the couch when I could be working out or walking or whatever! I've had enough! I need all the motivation and support I can get from my friends and family.
However, I am still overly ashamed of my weight. I do not want to release the number right now nor do I want to release my before pictures. I will definitely release all of these pictures once I start looking the way I want and the scale starts coming down. :)
I can't wait for my weight transformation to begin!
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
You find out who your friends are
All throughout your life, you're moving on. Whether it's a new school, new town, new job or just growing up, you're constantly changing and moving on. Same with the people in your life. People come and go and if you're lucky, they will have an impact on your life and change you forever. I've had the pleasure of meeting and making friends in many different cities in different situations. Some, I have kept in touch with and some have moved on and facebook keeps us updated with each others lives.
I am guilty of letting some of my friendships fade because of life and not keeping in touch. It hurts me to know that. People always say, "I'll keep in touch. We'll talk every day. Just because you're leaving/moving, doesn't mean that we won't still be the best of friends." Then, they move on. They continue to live their lives, meet new people, create new memories and make new best friends. Call me immature, stuck in high school or whatever you want, but I still believe in the idea of best friends. Those people in the world that have your back no matter what. Those you don't have to talk to every day and still retain a friendship for the books. Those people that as you're going through your daily life, you change for the better or worse, and you can meet up and they bring you back to who you really want to be. Make you feel yourself again. Younger, perhaps? And when you go back to your daily life, you almost feel rejuvenated. All the stress in your life can be removed with a little help from your friends. (The Beatles were RIGHT!) I have fortunate to have 3 of those people in my life....
Those people for me are my forever friends Evva, Brandi and Valerie. In each of these friendships, we have been through different experiences, some tough, some silly, some down right weird but all positive. And the best part is we are all friends together. These are the girls that will drop everything and be there for you no matter what it is. They have all helped me through some of the hardest times of my life. They strengthened me to become a positive divorcee and come out on the other side not angry, sad, or bitter. I'm grateful for whatever has happened in my life because of them. They will all three be my maid of honor at my wedding. Screw rules/traditions. The three of them will be at the hospital when I have a child. One of them will by the God Mother of my child. They'll be in my children's lives. They'll just always be there.
Thank you for your friendship, time, tears, hugs, parties, memories. You guys really are the best friends a girl could ask for. Love you guys!!!
I am guilty of letting some of my friendships fade because of life and not keeping in touch. It hurts me to know that. People always say, "I'll keep in touch. We'll talk every day. Just because you're leaving/moving, doesn't mean that we won't still be the best of friends." Then, they move on. They continue to live their lives, meet new people, create new memories and make new best friends. Call me immature, stuck in high school or whatever you want, but I still believe in the idea of best friends. Those people in the world that have your back no matter what. Those you don't have to talk to every day and still retain a friendship for the books. Those people that as you're going through your daily life, you change for the better or worse, and you can meet up and they bring you back to who you really want to be. Make you feel yourself again. Younger, perhaps? And when you go back to your daily life, you almost feel rejuvenated. All the stress in your life can be removed with a little help from your friends. (The Beatles were RIGHT!) I have fortunate to have 3 of those people in my life....
Those people for me are my forever friends Evva, Brandi and Valerie. In each of these friendships, we have been through different experiences, some tough, some silly, some down right weird but all positive. And the best part is we are all friends together. These are the girls that will drop everything and be there for you no matter what it is. They have all helped me through some of the hardest times of my life. They strengthened me to become a positive divorcee and come out on the other side not angry, sad, or bitter. I'm grateful for whatever has happened in my life because of them. They will all three be my maid of honor at my wedding. Screw rules/traditions. The three of them will be at the hospital when I have a child. One of them will by the God Mother of my child. They'll be in my children's lives. They'll just always be there.
Thank you for your friendship, time, tears, hugs, parties, memories. You guys really are the best friends a girl could ask for. Love you guys!!!
A Month Hiatus
It has been one hell of a month. Normally, I have time every day to sit down and have a little breather and blog, but oh no. Not this past month. EVERYDAY there has been something happening. Something going on. Someone needs something. Someone wants something. It has finally calmed down. No one's birthday is next week. No one needs anything. We can all finally breathe.
The upcoming months should be rather uneventful, and that excites me beyond belief. I can't wait to just hang out with our little family and make memories.
Valentine's Day was soooooo cute. Lee did such a great job. He got me a beautiful floral arrangement, a candle, a pink balloon and ferrero rocher. He sure knows the way to my heart. We bought the kids some clothes, toys and a lot of chocolate. I made them pink pancakes for dinner and they had sparkling cider. (They called it wine.) For dinner, Lee and I had steak, shrimp, baked potato and a huge salad. Oh, and of course Moscato. I <3 moscato!
And me, the girl with her camera attached to her hand, did NOT take any pictures that day. I feel so bad! It was a super cute and romantic day for our whole family.
So, I've been a "Domestic Goddess" since the middle of August and It's been.... different. I'm definitely more productive, clean, an excellent cook (thanks to pinterest and paula deen), a better writer, reading a lot more and LAZY! Holy cow... I do a LOT of sitting and holy moly, being a stay at home mom has it's challenges. As I'm sitting here writing that sentence, Jillian Michaels comes on TV and says, "When are you going to get up and do something about it? If you say tomorrow, you know you're lying." .......oh damn. That's me. That's me all day long. I know I need to do something about it. I know I do. And I will. I need a gym. I really want to join the YMCA but with our family of 5, I don't know if that's something we can afford right now. And that sucks because that's the one reason that's stopping me from beginning a diet. And I know that it shouldn't be an excuse. I need motivation. I need to look at myself in the mirror REALLY hard and tell myself that this is not what you want. That's what I'm going to do tomorrow. yup. It's happening...
The upcoming months should be rather uneventful, and that excites me beyond belief. I can't wait to just hang out with our little family and make memories.
Valentine's Day was soooooo cute. Lee did such a great job. He got me a beautiful floral arrangement, a candle, a pink balloon and ferrero rocher. He sure knows the way to my heart. We bought the kids some clothes, toys and a lot of chocolate. I made them pink pancakes for dinner and they had sparkling cider. (They called it wine.) For dinner, Lee and I had steak, shrimp, baked potato and a huge salad. Oh, and of course Moscato. I <3 moscato!
And me, the girl with her camera attached to her hand, did NOT take any pictures that day. I feel so bad! It was a super cute and romantic day for our whole family.
So, I've been a "Domestic Goddess" since the middle of August and It's been.... different. I'm definitely more productive, clean, an excellent cook (thanks to pinterest and paula deen), a better writer, reading a lot more and LAZY! Holy cow... I do a LOT of sitting and holy moly, being a stay at home mom has it's challenges. As I'm sitting here writing that sentence, Jillian Michaels comes on TV and says, "When are you going to get up and do something about it? If you say tomorrow, you know you're lying." .......oh damn. That's me. That's me all day long. I know I need to do something about it. I know I do. And I will. I need a gym. I really want to join the YMCA but with our family of 5, I don't know if that's something we can afford right now. And that sucks because that's the one reason that's stopping me from beginning a diet. And I know that it shouldn't be an excuse. I need motivation. I need to look at myself in the mirror REALLY hard and tell myself that this is not what you want. That's what I'm going to do tomorrow. yup. It's happening...
Monday, January 21, 2013
A PINKALICIOUS birthday party
Ok, now all who know me know how much of a planner I am. I have to plan things SEVERAL weeks in advance and continually work through my list before the big day, perfecting and minimizing. I could not have been happier with the outcome of this almost month worth of planning party. Having children gives me the ultimate excuse to decorate, coordinate, and plan a party.
For all 3 of my kids, I don't really ask them what they want to do for their birthday as far as a party goes. I like to surprise them. (It's worth the look on their face. I promise!) So when it came time for Jackie's birthday, I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited. She's a girl after my own heart. Literally, she wants to be me. There's nothing more humbling in the world then having a little girl look up to you and copy your every move.
Beginning this planning a 5 year old's pinkalicious birthday party adventure, I had to come up with a budget. In this family, the budget is always ZERO. We're a large family with one parent working, so the budget is always small. But I was realistic and set the budget at $50.
This is what our party's theme was based on... Pinkalicous. AKA Jackie's favorite book. It's almost like the book was written thinking of her. If you haven't read it, DO SO!
I already knew that the house had to be decked out in pink. That was a given and that was the easy part. The hard part? FINDING PINK FOOD. Who would've thought?
Decorating: streamers, 24 balloons, table cloth and 2 pinkalicious posters (handmade). TOTAL= $5.00
Next comes the games. Lee and I are obsessed with Minute to Win it so we figured we would play as many child friendly minute to win it games as possible.
The list of games included:
1. Pin the cherry on the cupcake
2. Face the Cookie (put a cookie on your forehead and without using your hands, get the cookie in your mouth)
3. Cup Stackers (stack cups on top of each other and unstack them without all of them falling)
4. Bouncers (bounce the bouncy ball into the cup)
5. Blow Straw (use the straw to blow the ball across the finish line)
6. Marshmallow Head (throw marshmallows into your partners bucket on top of their head)
7. Jackie's Favorite Things (a quick quiz to see who knows Jackie the best.
The final game was supposed to be to turn JACKIE into a pink mummy, but she chickened out at the end so of course Ayden stepped up and helped her out. I told him to give me a scared face... yup, that's scared lol.
The party turned out to be a huge hit with the kids because at the end of the day, that's who it's all about. The adults can sit back and watch as long as the children are having a blast. The only bad thing about having an awesome birthday party is... how the heck am I going to outdo myself for the next party?
For all 3 of my kids, I don't really ask them what they want to do for their birthday as far as a party goes. I like to surprise them. (It's worth the look on their face. I promise!) So when it came time for Jackie's birthday, I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited. She's a girl after my own heart. Literally, she wants to be me. There's nothing more humbling in the world then having a little girl look up to you and copy your every move.
Beginning this planning a 5 year old's pinkalicious birthday party adventure, I had to come up with a budget. In this family, the budget is always ZERO. We're a large family with one parent working, so the budget is always small. But I was realistic and set the budget at $50.
This is what our party's theme was based on... Pinkalicous. AKA Jackie's favorite book. It's almost like the book was written thinking of her. If you haven't read it, DO SO!
Decorating: streamers, 24 balloons, table cloth and 2 pinkalicious posters (handmade). TOTAL= $5.00
I was very pleased with the amount of pink. I didn't think it was going to be enough, but it truly truly was. The balloons in the dining room under the light turned the whole room pink. Next was the food...
Food: Heart shaped PB&J's, pink rice krispies, fruity pebble rice krispies, pink chocolate drizzled strawberries, pink white chocolate pretzel rods, pink animal cookies, strawberry marshmallows, strawberry malt balls, strawberry/banana skewers, taco dip/chips (not pictured), lemon pepper/buffalo wings (not pictured), strawberry soda, fruit punch, hawaiian punch minis with fun jackie facts, cucumbers and broccoli with pink ranch dip (green food in case of acute pinkatitus) and PINKALICIOUS cupcakes. TOTAL: $40.00
Next comes the games. Lee and I are obsessed with Minute to Win it so we figured we would play as many child friendly minute to win it games as possible.
The list of games included:
1. Pin the cherry on the cupcake
2. Face the Cookie (put a cookie on your forehead and without using your hands, get the cookie in your mouth)
3. Cup Stackers (stack cups on top of each other and unstack them without all of them falling)
4. Bouncers (bounce the bouncy ball into the cup)
5. Blow Straw (use the straw to blow the ball across the finish line)
6. Marshmallow Head (throw marshmallows into your partners bucket on top of their head)
7. Jackie's Favorite Things (a quick quiz to see who knows Jackie the best.
The final game was supposed to be to turn JACKIE into a pink mummy, but she chickened out at the end so of course Ayden stepped up and helped her out. I told him to give me a scared face... yup, that's scared lol.
The party turned out to be a huge hit with the kids because at the end of the day, that's who it's all about. The adults can sit back and watch as long as the children are having a blast. The only bad thing about having an awesome birthday party is... how the heck am I going to outdo myself for the next party?
Friday, January 18, 2013
The Flu, Cheddar and Insomnia
It has been far too long since I've last posted. Things around this abode have been kinda nuts. (Like it isn't every other day of the year) The flu finally caught our family, thanks to my butthead of a brother, Eric. It hit us like none other. It started with me... a little sore throat, mild cough, a few stabs from Lee telling me that I was overreacting and that I wasn't really sick. The next day, Lee starts coughing and he tells me he thinks he's getting sick.
OH REALLY NOW? Look who's being over dramatic now!!
On the plus side, Lee spend 3 painfully sick days at home with me. We bonded over tissues and the ID channel. We took turns getting up for more hot beverages or refills on soup. The dinners for the children consisted of whatever took the least amount of time out of covers. (Sorry kids!) But cuddling on the couch together for 3 days was pretty fantastic.
Aside from being sick and not keeping up with my blog, we also adopted a cat. Let me make one thing clear, WE ARE NOT A CRAZY CAT FAMILY! ....well maybe we are. But Lee and I are the same when it comes to animals, we can't say no. It's just not possible. Especially to a cat who needs a loving home. This cat was his sister Logan's. She moved back into her parents and the cat had to stay outside. He wasn't allowed in because of the dog and the other cats. He liked outside so it didn't seem like a big deal. But every time we all went to Lee's parents house, we would see this little furball outside begging for attention. It was so hard not to spend the entire time we visited outside cuddling this cat. I made the joke that we should take him home with us so we can give him the love and attention he deserves. As soon as those words came out, Lee's eyes meet mine and the decision is made. We will be taking this cat home with us.
Here he is... Cheddar. :)
Isn't he the cutest thing you ever did see? :) and he's so playful and cuddly and sweet and he MEOWS SO DAMN LOUD for wet food. OMG!!! It's like this cat never had canned food in his life. Best thing since tuna.
I blame his cuteness for my insomnia these days. He comes up to my face in the middle of the night and meows as loud as he can. Plus, we sit on the cough and cuddle, while watching Family Feud. (which we're doing right now at 2:21am) These days, I just can't sleep. Partially because of my completely stuffed nose from the flu and partially because I've slept so much over the past couple days that I just can't sleep anymore. Remember those days back when you were in your teens when you could go to sleep at midnight and not wake up until 4 in the afternoon? Yeah... those days are long gone.
Survey SAYS: ... I should really try to go to sleep...
OH REALLY NOW? Look who's being over dramatic now!!
On the plus side, Lee spend 3 painfully sick days at home with me. We bonded over tissues and the ID channel. We took turns getting up for more hot beverages or refills on soup. The dinners for the children consisted of whatever took the least amount of time out of covers. (Sorry kids!) But cuddling on the couch together for 3 days was pretty fantastic.
Aside from being sick and not keeping up with my blog, we also adopted a cat. Let me make one thing clear, WE ARE NOT A CRAZY CAT FAMILY! ....well maybe we are. But Lee and I are the same when it comes to animals, we can't say no. It's just not possible. Especially to a cat who needs a loving home. This cat was his sister Logan's. She moved back into her parents and the cat had to stay outside. He wasn't allowed in because of the dog and the other cats. He liked outside so it didn't seem like a big deal. But every time we all went to Lee's parents house, we would see this little furball outside begging for attention. It was so hard not to spend the entire time we visited outside cuddling this cat. I made the joke that we should take him home with us so we can give him the love and attention he deserves. As soon as those words came out, Lee's eyes meet mine and the decision is made. We will be taking this cat home with us.
Here he is... Cheddar. :)
Isn't he the cutest thing you ever did see? :) and he's so playful and cuddly and sweet and he MEOWS SO DAMN LOUD for wet food. OMG!!! It's like this cat never had canned food in his life. Best thing since tuna.
I blame his cuteness for my insomnia these days. He comes up to my face in the middle of the night and meows as loud as he can. Plus, we sit on the cough and cuddle, while watching Family Feud. (which we're doing right now at 2:21am) These days, I just can't sleep. Partially because of my completely stuffed nose from the flu and partially because I've slept so much over the past couple days that I just can't sleep anymore. Remember those days back when you were in your teens when you could go to sleep at midnight and not wake up until 4 in the afternoon? Yeah... those days are long gone.
Survey SAYS: ... I should really try to go to sleep...
Friday, January 4, 2013
Finally back in the Groove
But aside from all of that, Christmas is STILL my favorite time of year. Here are some highlights from our Christmas vacation...
Getting ready to go to Maryland for Christmas Eve
Cousins :)
Opening presents at Grandma and Grandpa's (Maryland)
Lee admiring his mom's Christmas present
Christmas morning at our house
Jackie excited for her Zebra blanket
Ayden super excited to open his present from the Barnes' family
Christian looking tired but ready to open some presents!
Our annual Christmas picture at my mom's.
Me and my mom
The boys getting so impatient for Andy's immaculate meal. (This picture cracks me up sooooooo much. boys... lol)
Jackie loves herself some Tyler.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
We are Family
I am so thankful for our families. Of course I love my side of the family, but now I can finally say that I feel comfortable around Lee's family.
If you know anything about me, you know that I am one of the easiest people in the world to get along with. I get along with everyone and I am super friendly. With Lee's family for some reason, this was not the case. I was shy and reserved and didn't talk at all. Every time we would have a family function with them, I would have an anxiety attack. I have NO idea what was wrong with me.
I guess it all comes down to ME. :/ I always thought they were judging me. I didn't think they liked me. I thought that they really didn't want to get to know me. They never really tried. It was all about the kids. That's all we talked about. Them or Lee's ex and what was going on with her. My thoughts/insecurities were that their family was already established and I was just another outsider. Maybe I would stay, maybe I wouldn't.
In their defense, I was so stand off-ish. I wouldn't make the first move. I was so unbearably uncomfortable. It was the most insane feeling. I knew I had to do something about it though. I knew there was at least one thing we can all agree on and that was the kids. I decided I was going to open up through the kids and their birthdays. I tried to go above and beyond for their parties to make sure that they understood how committed I was and how badly I wanted their approval.
A lot of time has passed since those feelings. Now that I have tried my hardest to become a part of this family and put forth strong efforts to spend time with them and just be myself, I am happy that I am a part of their family. One of the many wonderful parts of this family is that they are all about their grandchildren. It's all about them in every way. No wonder they love going to their Grandma's. :)
Established family or not, they are now my family and I love them.
If you know anything about me, you know that I am one of the easiest people in the world to get along with. I get along with everyone and I am super friendly. With Lee's family for some reason, this was not the case. I was shy and reserved and didn't talk at all. Every time we would have a family function with them, I would have an anxiety attack. I have NO idea what was wrong with me.
I guess it all comes down to ME. :/ I always thought they were judging me. I didn't think they liked me. I thought that they really didn't want to get to know me. They never really tried. It was all about the kids. That's all we talked about. Them or Lee's ex and what was going on with her. My thoughts/insecurities were that their family was already established and I was just another outsider. Maybe I would stay, maybe I wouldn't.
In their defense, I was so stand off-ish. I wouldn't make the first move. I was so unbearably uncomfortable. It was the most insane feeling. I knew I had to do something about it though. I knew there was at least one thing we can all agree on and that was the kids. I decided I was going to open up through the kids and their birthdays. I tried to go above and beyond for their parties to make sure that they understood how committed I was and how badly I wanted their approval.
A lot of time has passed since those feelings. Now that I have tried my hardest to become a part of this family and put forth strong efforts to spend time with them and just be myself, I am happy that I am a part of their family. One of the many wonderful parts of this family is that they are all about their grandchildren. It's all about them in every way. No wonder they love going to their Grandma's. :)
Established family or not, they are now my family and I love them.
Monday, December 24, 2012
6 hours or less
6 hours or less and IT'S TIME!!!!!!!!!! I don't know about you guys, but Christmas is my FAVORITE! I cannot wait to see their faces when they open the gifts. I think that's my favorite. Or, playing with their gifts as a family as a close second.
I always feel that I don't enough though. Like, sometimes I look on facebook and I see other friends with their piles and piles and piles of gifts for their children and I think I could've done better. But with Lees parents and my entire family buying them gifts, I don't feel so bad. We have 3 friggen Christmas celebrations. So, I know they're getting everything they could possibly want or need. After all, Christmas isn't all about the gifts. It's about the experience, family bonding time and love.
BUT I can't help but be excited. I'm giddy and anxious and I can't sleep. Go figure lol!!! I did this last year too. I was insane and couldn't sleep and stayed awake all night. I finally went around and woke up everyone at 8am. I was like, SERIOUSLY!!?? I remember waking my parents up at 5am to open presents. I was NOT playing around. This year, I'm going to try to go to sleep and let them wake me up.
Merry Christmas everyone. I wish you nothing but joy, love and happiness because that's all you need in your life. <3
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Christmas is the time for CUTE KIDS!
Pinterest is a bad bad bad bad bad influence on me. I am constantly finding new things to do and new ways to make sure I document our life through photos. Here is a prime example. The children's Christmas 2012 pictures via wrapping paper and my crappy digital camera. (I will get a Nikon one day...)
Oh my Gosh!!!!!! Aren't they the cutest things in the entire world??? And I did a pretty decent job taking the pictures as well. :)
Oh my Gosh!!!!!! Aren't they the cutest things in the entire world??? And I did a pretty decent job taking the pictures as well. :)
The Perfect Christmas
Every winter, I have this vision of the perfect Christmas. The decorations, the atmosphere, the music, the glee, the children... everything. I want everything to be perfect. Is that an insane vision?
This year, I have had Christmas decorations up since before Thanksgiving. I was just so excited and I wanted that christmas, joyous and loving feeling throughout the house. I started hanging lights inside the house, hanging ornaments in awesome places, putting little Santa Clauses in super cute places... I have this decorating thing DOWN!
As a new family, we are experiencing a lot of firsts together. This year, we decided that we were going to cut our own tree down. It was SO much fun. I remember doing this with my family growing up and I remember it being just as fun. But this go round, it was different. The kid's eyes were doe like and full of wondering looking at all the trees.
I love creating new traditions for our family. It's going to be so much fun making memories with these guys.
As a blended family, I realize that we aren't going to see eye to eye on everything. This Christmas, as I'm buying presents for the kids and wrapping them, he's putting them under the tree. Whoa whoa whoa whoa buddy. What are you doing? He tells me that he wants these presents to be from "us" and he wants them under the tree. We'll put the rest of the presents we buy under the tree from Santa.
Ok. BREAK!
Last year, we put presents out Christmas Eve... from Santa. ALL of them. I assumed we were doing that again this year.
I have a Christmas morning vision in my head.... you wake up and there are a ton of presents under the tree (from parents and Santa). Seeing their faces is half the fun. but now, they're seeing half the presents already. There won't be that big of a shock. I'm not crazy, right?
We had to compromise and keep half the presents under the tree. :/ But next year, we are totally going to do it my way. and I have vowed to start shopping as soon as January. Yup... I said it. I will do my very very best to start a stock pile of Christmas presents throughout the year so I'm not overwhelmed (like I am right now) and make sure that the 'shock and awe' effect is in tact.
Other than that, our Christmas is going to be perfect. I am so excited. I think that I'm more excited than the kids. I wake them up and say "-- days til Christmas!!!" I love traditions. I really do. And more importantly, I love starting traditions with our little family. Our life is going to be so amazing.
This year, I have had Christmas decorations up since before Thanksgiving. I was just so excited and I wanted that christmas, joyous and loving feeling throughout the house. I started hanging lights inside the house, hanging ornaments in awesome places, putting little Santa Clauses in super cute places... I have this decorating thing DOWN!
As a new family, we are experiencing a lot of firsts together. This year, we decided that we were going to cut our own tree down. It was SO much fun. I remember doing this with my family growing up and I remember it being just as fun. But this go round, it was different. The kid's eyes were doe like and full of wondering looking at all the trees.
The tree hunt begins!!!
Lee being all manly cutting down the tree.
Christian helping dad.
Ayden's turn to help dad.
Jackie helping cut down some of the extra branches.
I'm sure he hates me for all the photo ops I make him do. :)
It was a super fun experience.
I love creating new traditions for our family. It's going to be so much fun making memories with these guys.
As a blended family, I realize that we aren't going to see eye to eye on everything. This Christmas, as I'm buying presents for the kids and wrapping them, he's putting them under the tree. Whoa whoa whoa whoa buddy. What are you doing? He tells me that he wants these presents to be from "us" and he wants them under the tree. We'll put the rest of the presents we buy under the tree from Santa.
Ok. BREAK!
Last year, we put presents out Christmas Eve... from Santa. ALL of them. I assumed we were doing that again this year.
I have a Christmas morning vision in my head.... you wake up and there are a ton of presents under the tree (from parents and Santa). Seeing their faces is half the fun. but now, they're seeing half the presents already. There won't be that big of a shock. I'm not crazy, right?
We had to compromise and keep half the presents under the tree. :/ But next year, we are totally going to do it my way. and I have vowed to start shopping as soon as January. Yup... I said it. I will do my very very best to start a stock pile of Christmas presents throughout the year so I'm not overwhelmed (like I am right now) and make sure that the 'shock and awe' effect is in tact.
Other than that, our Christmas is going to be perfect. I am so excited. I think that I'm more excited than the kids. I wake them up and say "-- days til Christmas!!!" I love traditions. I really do. And more importantly, I love starting traditions with our little family. Our life is going to be so amazing.
Friday, December 21, 2012
It's the end of the world as we know it... wait
December 21, 2012 was supposed to be the end of the world.
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. Yeah, um, no!
So last night, we were sitting on the couch waiting for Glee (Well, I was waiting. He was agonizing every minute) and it didn't even come on! I was so sad. Lee on the other hand, happy as a clam. So what does he find on TV? You guessed it.. doomsday shows. He leans over super close to me and starts cuddling and says "We have to promise to cuddle each other all night just in case we die." Ok... now you're starting to freak me out. Then I started second guessing myself. What if we are going to die? What if something monumental happens and there are serious repercussions and we DIE!!!!! I don't want that to happen. So I start cuddling him back. I'm starting to feel really weird. Probably how people on death row feel 12 hours before they die. It was strange. I didn't like that feeling whatsoever.
We're laying in bed, holding each other super tight and I could not fall asleep. Couldn't. Didn't. Wouldn't. It was bad. The thought of falling asleep and not waking up freaked me out. So what did I do you ask? I talked to God.
Wait... Erin? TALK TO GOD? What?
Well, yes I did. It was the most serene thing I have ever done. I didn't talk out loud or began with "Dear God".... I just talked to him. It started out almost begging for the world not to end. 100% due to the fact that I'm not ready to die. It was like I was having an anxiety attack. I was literally freaking out in the beginning of that conversation, crying hysterically as Lee sleeps/snores soundly beside me. And then all of the sudden a wave of utter calmness came over me. I stopped crying, wiped the tears off my face, sniffled and lay silent for what felt like forever. When I began talking to Him again, I was begging for anything. I was thanking him for this life that He blessed me with and accepting whatever fate He decided to give me. Whether it be in this world or his Celestial Kingdom, I was okay. I thanked him for everything my life was made up on and began to realize that what I have in this life is precious and should be cherished more than I already do. As soon as I said 'Amen', I fell soundly asleep. I woke up and felt amazing and refreshed.
I have always been grateful for my life and believed in God and have known that Jesus is my Lord and savior but not like this. So, I guess I have to thank the Mayans for helping me come one step closer to God.
....Never would've saw that coming. But I'm glad it did. :)
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
The Story of Us
Every couple
has a story. Sometimes it's extraordinary. Sometimes it's simple. Well,
in our case, love came softly. It wasn't greeted with fireworks and
instrumentals. It was pure and simple love.
It all started online. I know what society thinks about online romance and how it's unconventional and for people who can't get a date on their own. That is so not the case. In both of our situations, it was pretty impossible to meet people on our own. Even set-ups were hard. (I had one set up through a good friend and that turned out horribly.) I'm VERY pick with who I date and he had 3 children. So obviously he wasn't going to go on random dates and I worked so much that I never had time to go out and meet anyone. Online dating is safe. You can get to know someone online through emails and chat and skype dates before you ever have to meet them. I actually prefer it that way because you're "friends" before you decide to date. It's pretty cool. And if you don't like their personality, you didn't really waste your time or money, now did you?
We began talking in August of 2012. It was an every day chat... on my lunch breaks, as soon as I got home from work and up until we fell asleep. Talking to him was so natural. I could open up to him about anything and everything and not feel one bit of judgement. It was effortless. It was amazing. We talked so much that we knew each others secrets and daily routine. I could know what he was doing at any point of time and so could he. It all felt so real so quickly. We had talked and talked and talked about meeting. He was always so anxious for us to meet but I on the other hand was scared to death. My divorce has me literally on the brink of zero self esteem. Even though I left my ex 2 years before then, my methods of trying to gain self esteem were not working. So, I was scared that once we met in person he wouldn't like me. If I knew what I know now... I wouldn't have a care in the world. Everyday he would ask me, "When are we going to meet? When am I going to actually see your face in front of my face? When am I finally going to hold your hand?" It got so overwhelming so fast. We would talk about our first date all the time, what we would do, where we would go. All the talking and planning finally became too much for me and I decided that I was going to meet him.
September 18, 2010
We're in the middle of just another regular conversation and he asks me what my plans for that night were. I tell him that I need to run to walmart and get some shampoo/conditioner and dog food. To which he replies that he wishes he could go with me because anything that we did together would be fun. I decided right then and there that it was time. Everything that we had talked about had lead up to this moment. So I said, "Is there a walmart near you?" His response was instantaneous. It was happening. We were finally going to meet. So much built up to this moment and it was about to happen.
It took me SO long to figure out what I was going to wear. I was so nervous. I was still facebook chatting with him while I was figuring out what I was going to wear. He kept asking me if I was serious? and if I was ok? It was so sweet. It would calm me down for a second and then the reality that I was meeting him began to sink in again. I finally picked out an outfit. This is what I ended up choosing. I didn't want to overdo it and dress super duper fancy (like I really wanted to). But I didn't want it to seem too casual. Just casual enough.
He lived in Waldorf, MD. (What was crazy about this is that my BFF Liz lived in Indian Head, Md, which is 15 mins or so from Waldorf and I had visited her frequently. So all the time that I was visiting her, he was right there? CRAZY!) He gave me his address and I was going to pick him up and go to Walmart. (super awesome first "date" huh?) Well calm down, calm down. The walmart trip was supposed to be an ice breaker. The real date was dinner and a movie. Dinner at Chipotle (our favorite!) and the movie we chose was Resident Evil: Afterlife.
The entire drive to Waldorf was riddled with so much anxiety that I thought I was going to die. Literally. I couldn't stop shaking. I was so nervous. He talked to me on the phone the entire time, trying to calm me down. But with him saying "I can't wait to see you" repeatedly made it worse. It was SUPER sweet, but it made it worse! I reached the Maryland/Virginia bridge and that's when our conversation ended so he could get ready. During that time, I kept telling myself that I could do it, that I was going to be fine, he wasn't a serial killer, CALM DOWN! It was weird... as much as I was nervous to meet him face to face, on the other hand I was so flippen excited.
He called me back just as I entered Waldorf. He gave me step my step instructions on how to get to his house. I drove super slow through his neighborhood. I kept saying "you can do this" over and over and over. (while he was still on the phone btw) Finally, the moment had arrived. I stopped in front of his house. We hung up the phone and waited for him to come meet me at my car. I didn't know what to do. Should I get out and meet him? Should I just wait for him to get in the car? I didn't know what to do. So I just waited for him to get in the car. I kept glancing toward the house to see if he had opened the door or not. It seemed like it took hours but in reality, he said it took 3 minutes.
I watched him walk from the front door all the way to my car door. My anxiety level was through the roof! My heart felt like it was going to come out of my chest. And then he opened the door and sat down. And just like that, all of my nervousness and anxiety went away. He was the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life. I couldn't stop looking at him. And just like that, our first date began.
The date was effortless. It was real and fun and carefree and amazing. I have NEVER had a first date like that before. That's when I knew he was different. He was going to be an influence in my life like none other. The connection we had with each other spun us in a whirlwind, low key, epic romance.
We went on 6 dates before he "made the move." (The product of a late night facebook chat conversation and me asking... "Do you want to kiss me?" the night before) On this particular date, we didn't really have anything planned. So we drove around and ended up at a park where there was a baseball game being played. We watched the game from inside my car for a while. Lee was playing me some of his screamo music that he thought I would like. The band is called Sleeping With Sirens. It's not a bad band as far as screamo goes. I'm used to country and pop and girly songs... not artists that SCREAM at me. Then, as we're listening a sweet song comes on called "Let Love Bleed Red." It was a nice change from all of the screaming and yelling that I was hearing. I made him listen to that song on repeat because it was so melodic and sweet and romantic. Then he kissed me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5cd1tZYcfg
(the link to our song on youtube.com)
That was our 6th date. On my way home, he calls me like he always does and we talk the whole time, expressing how much we mean to each other. I finally get home and we're talking on the phone and I'm browsing facebook at the same time (I'm an addict. I know.) and Lee begins talking to me on facebook chat also. It was weird but I went with it. The phone becomes silent and I see him typing and my heart stops. (and like a true dork, I take a picture of our conversation...)
..... silence on the phone. No words across the screen. I was in complete shock. Did he just say that he was falling in love with me? OMG! ....I was heaven. He said, well typed, what I had been feeling too. But I thought it was just too crazy because it had only been 6 dates. It's insane right? Well, not to us. Nothing about this relationship is normal. Without any further waiting, I said OUT LOUD "I love you too." We both just let out a huge sigh of relief and giggled. It was euphoric. It was the way I pictured a real relationship to be. It was pure joy.
The beginning of a once in a lifetime love. The rest they say, is history.
October 31, 2010 he asked me to marry him. :)
November 26, 2010 we moved in together.
February 12, 2011 we got our first place together.
This is just the beginning to our story. I couldn't have been matched with anyone sweeter, genuine, caring, giving, laid back, loving, real, passionate and made for me. He's it for me. He is my world and my family now. Together, we will prove all "internet relationship" stereotypes wrong. Together we will conquer everything that is thrown at us. Together we will create world of love. I can't wait to see what the future holds in store for us...
It all started online. I know what society thinks about online romance and how it's unconventional and for people who can't get a date on their own. That is so not the case. In both of our situations, it was pretty impossible to meet people on our own. Even set-ups were hard. (I had one set up through a good friend and that turned out horribly.) I'm VERY pick with who I date and he had 3 children. So obviously he wasn't going to go on random dates and I worked so much that I never had time to go out and meet anyone. Online dating is safe. You can get to know someone online through emails and chat and skype dates before you ever have to meet them. I actually prefer it that way because you're "friends" before you decide to date. It's pretty cool. And if you don't like their personality, you didn't really waste your time or money, now did you?
So here he was. The very first picture I saw of my boy...
We began talking in August of 2012. It was an every day chat... on my lunch breaks, as soon as I got home from work and up until we fell asleep. Talking to him was so natural. I could open up to him about anything and everything and not feel one bit of judgement. It was effortless. It was amazing. We talked so much that we knew each others secrets and daily routine. I could know what he was doing at any point of time and so could he. It all felt so real so quickly. We had talked and talked and talked about meeting. He was always so anxious for us to meet but I on the other hand was scared to death. My divorce has me literally on the brink of zero self esteem. Even though I left my ex 2 years before then, my methods of trying to gain self esteem were not working. So, I was scared that once we met in person he wouldn't like me. If I knew what I know now... I wouldn't have a care in the world. Everyday he would ask me, "When are we going to meet? When am I going to actually see your face in front of my face? When am I finally going to hold your hand?" It got so overwhelming so fast. We would talk about our first date all the time, what we would do, where we would go. All the talking and planning finally became too much for me and I decided that I was going to meet him.
September 18, 2010
We're in the middle of just another regular conversation and he asks me what my plans for that night were. I tell him that I need to run to walmart and get some shampoo/conditioner and dog food. To which he replies that he wishes he could go with me because anything that we did together would be fun. I decided right then and there that it was time. Everything that we had talked about had lead up to this moment. So I said, "Is there a walmart near you?" His response was instantaneous. It was happening. We were finally going to meet. So much built up to this moment and it was about to happen.
It took me SO long to figure out what I was going to wear. I was so nervous. I was still facebook chatting with him while I was figuring out what I was going to wear. He kept asking me if I was serious? and if I was ok? It was so sweet. It would calm me down for a second and then the reality that I was meeting him began to sink in again. I finally picked out an outfit. This is what I ended up choosing. I didn't want to overdo it and dress super duper fancy (like I really wanted to). But I didn't want it to seem too casual. Just casual enough.
He lived in Waldorf, MD. (What was crazy about this is that my BFF Liz lived in Indian Head, Md, which is 15 mins or so from Waldorf and I had visited her frequently. So all the time that I was visiting her, he was right there? CRAZY!) He gave me his address and I was going to pick him up and go to Walmart. (super awesome first "date" huh?) Well calm down, calm down. The walmart trip was supposed to be an ice breaker. The real date was dinner and a movie. Dinner at Chipotle (our favorite!) and the movie we chose was Resident Evil: Afterlife.
The entire drive to Waldorf was riddled with so much anxiety that I thought I was going to die. Literally. I couldn't stop shaking. I was so nervous. He talked to me on the phone the entire time, trying to calm me down. But with him saying "I can't wait to see you" repeatedly made it worse. It was SUPER sweet, but it made it worse! I reached the Maryland/Virginia bridge and that's when our conversation ended so he could get ready. During that time, I kept telling myself that I could do it, that I was going to be fine, he wasn't a serial killer, CALM DOWN! It was weird... as much as I was nervous to meet him face to face, on the other hand I was so flippen excited.
He called me back just as I entered Waldorf. He gave me step my step instructions on how to get to his house. I drove super slow through his neighborhood. I kept saying "you can do this" over and over and over. (while he was still on the phone btw) Finally, the moment had arrived. I stopped in front of his house. We hung up the phone and waited for him to come meet me at my car. I didn't know what to do. Should I get out and meet him? Should I just wait for him to get in the car? I didn't know what to do. So I just waited for him to get in the car. I kept glancing toward the house to see if he had opened the door or not. It seemed like it took hours but in reality, he said it took 3 minutes.
I watched him walk from the front door all the way to my car door. My anxiety level was through the roof! My heart felt like it was going to come out of my chest. And then he opened the door and sat down. And just like that, all of my nervousness and anxiety went away. He was the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life. I couldn't stop looking at him. And just like that, our first date began.
The date was effortless. It was real and fun and carefree and amazing. I have NEVER had a first date like that before. That's when I knew he was different. He was going to be an influence in my life like none other. The connection we had with each other spun us in a whirlwind, low key, epic romance.
We went on 6 dates before he "made the move." (The product of a late night facebook chat conversation and me asking... "Do you want to kiss me?" the night before) On this particular date, we didn't really have anything planned. So we drove around and ended up at a park where there was a baseball game being played. We watched the game from inside my car for a while. Lee was playing me some of his screamo music that he thought I would like. The band is called Sleeping With Sirens. It's not a bad band as far as screamo goes. I'm used to country and pop and girly songs... not artists that SCREAM at me. Then, as we're listening a sweet song comes on called "Let Love Bleed Red." It was a nice change from all of the screaming and yelling that I was hearing. I made him listen to that song on repeat because it was so melodic and sweet and romantic. Then he kissed me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5cd1tZYcfg
(the link to our song on youtube.com)
That was our 6th date. On my way home, he calls me like he always does and we talk the whole time, expressing how much we mean to each other. I finally get home and we're talking on the phone and I'm browsing facebook at the same time (I'm an addict. I know.) and Lee begins talking to me on facebook chat also. It was weird but I went with it. The phone becomes silent and I see him typing and my heart stops. (and like a true dork, I take a picture of our conversation...)
..... silence on the phone. No words across the screen. I was in complete shock. Did he just say that he was falling in love with me? OMG! ....I was heaven. He said, well typed, what I had been feeling too. But I thought it was just too crazy because it had only been 6 dates. It's insane right? Well, not to us. Nothing about this relationship is normal. Without any further waiting, I said OUT LOUD "I love you too." We both just let out a huge sigh of relief and giggled. It was euphoric. It was the way I pictured a real relationship to be. It was pure joy.
The beginning of a once in a lifetime love. The rest they say, is history.
Our one year anniversary presents to each other.
October 31, 2010 he asked me to marry him. :)
November 26, 2010 we moved in together.
February 12, 2011 we got our first place together.
This is just the beginning to our story. I couldn't have been matched with anyone sweeter, genuine, caring, giving, laid back, loving, real, passionate and made for me. He's it for me. He is my world and my family now. Together, we will prove all "internet relationship" stereotypes wrong. Together we will conquer everything that is thrown at us. Together we will create world of love. I can't wait to see what the future holds in store for us...
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